“Yes Jesus,

My life laid down 

Every breath, a testimony of Your love.”

Who could have known?
Who could tell?
That a life laid down to You,
Lived solely for You had more to it?

When we see the mystery, You see a wonderfilled, love wrought journey unfolding .
When we are caught up in the unknown nature of it all, You are aware of what You are calling us to.

Who could have known?
That a desperate Yes to You had more to it than the four walls of a building accented by stained glass windows and pews?

I look back at the journey that has been,
And I’m filled with awe.
Who could tell?
That You are more than ‘the Big man in the sky?’
The more I spend time with You, the more I see the Wonder that You a are.

Who would have known?
That you are not after crossing every t and doting every i?
Who could tell…
That all along Your heart’s desire has always been a love relationship with us?

Where do we miss it?
How did we get here?
How did a life without You ever make sense?
All along, You’ve been good.
You didn’t change.
It wasn’t You, it was me all along.

It was me who allowed the lies to change what I knew to be true of You.
I listened to the circumstances more than I did to Your intent in the “No”
I held more to the beauty of the fruit rather than I did to the beauty of Your love,
To be the only One who truly satisfied me.
I was blinded by the power of Your ‘No’, that I forgot the strength of Your love for me, Your goodness towards me and Your diligence in protecting me.

And now I’m here
Naked, ashamed, having lost everything.

And even here, You still reach out and say You want this rubble, that You’ll make a home for Yourself out of this debris and that You’ll curate all these broken, shameful pieces I’ve worked so hard to hide away into a new mosaic by Your grace, held by Your love filled with Your tender mercies.
But wait,
Could it be that all this while I’ve been missing it?
Could it be I wasn’t the sole casualty of my own actions?
Could it be that I wasn’t the only one hurt by the separation?
Could it be that as I bled, You hurt too?
Who could have known?
Who could have known that it hurt You that we were separated?
That it broke You that I walked away.
That it pierced Your heart that You could no longer express goodness to me, that You could no longer be You to me, yet You so desperately wanted to…
That in the weaving of clothes, Your intent to be mine was evident.
You could have left me naked but You didn’t.
When You had reasons to leave me, to return in kind what I’d done in disregard of us, to turn against me,
You didn’t…
You didn’t let me go…

I now see
Your wrath wasn’t against me
Your anger was toward everything that separated us.
The very thing that tried to say You and I were not one, the thing that drove a wedge between us.
S.I.N
Yet it’s what You became to save me.
My Hero became the very thing He hated
To save me
To have me

For so long I thought You are the One who left.
Now, as I look at the scars on Your hand and feet,
I see that You didn’t.
Not because You couldn’t but because,
There’s no taksies backsies with You.
There are no goodbyes and that You hold to Your ‘forevers’

You made me for so much more than “Dos & Don’ts”
You made me for relationship & You constantly prove it.

And the more I truly see the Wonder You are.
The more I see You wove me for intimacy
The more I’m convinced that to lose my life is gain
To let go of my greatest crown to pursue You is exactly what I’ve been made for.
I now see that You are and have always been ‘it’.

“So,
Here I am again Lord,
You have my YES
It’s more than 3 words,
It’s my life laid down,
It’s my heart opened up to all that You are and all that You have for me.
It’s my bended knee on the ground yielding to Your reign.
It’s my lifted hands acknowledging Your Majesty.
It’s the entirety of all I am and all I have presented to You now and forever.
You have my YES.

To You & for You alone”